Hayyy…

Breathing out. Letting your lungs vent unreservedly through those cave-like hairy nostrils. Sometimes caused by stimuli or just a voluntary act to express an emotion being roused inside. Or maybe letting out a revolution that’s casketed deep within. Comes out in a burst and at times with grace. Sometimes shallow. Superficial. Deep. Long. Maybe seeking serenity. This fuss has to be hushed.

Exhalation needs to happen for the weary. The thwarted. The burdened. The frustrated  The disappointed. The disheartened. The relieved. The flattered. The placid. The losers. The saddened. The candid. The impatient. The secured. The unconcerned. The breath-taken.  It comes when seeing the sunset. The stars. The moonlight. The beach. The gleaming blue sky. And sure it happens when spotting lovers from the eyes of the dreamer. It does happen: exhalation.

Never are these breathing-in-and-outs hidden from God and He cares about what you’re going through.  You make them. God then hears them, counts them, and feels them.

Your sighs. No matter how heavy. No matter how silent.

“All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you.” – Psalm 38:9

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Back to Redemption

divino rivera
Losing time more than getting any younger
Hasten the years, my regrets to outnumber
And outrun this heart chasing after the wind
Will I ever find my way back to redemption?

Forgive my delusions
I am yet to wander to find my sanity
Misguided however, bliss is close to never
But there’s not an abyss far beyond Your reach

When the quest of You is like a riddle
Enough is a sheer whisper
To that place make me remember
Where by You I first shuddered

 

Copyright Divino Rivera 2012

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The Green Hulk Within

The computer I was on in the office really got me today while having lot of things on plate. Ya don’t have to ask what OS this is on. Wondered why it had to open multiple files I never wanted to open. It kept on popping up windows crowding the taskbar and not letting me do anything. It would not even stop doing the things that got into my nerves. It suffocated the hell out of the desktop’s memory and for sure irritated my very cautious heart. I already have promised myself to be “angelically” patient and not to be grumpy. But things turned out wrong. Things let the sleeping green monster wake up again. The Green Hulk within started to reveal itself out. I almost wanted to break and pull the sensitive keys out of the keyboard as these fast fingers started going mad crazy. I didn’t have to turn myself literally into a Green Hulk but rather turned myself red. Ears got red hot! Sideburns coming now, no?

The Green Hulk – how’d ya rule over it? How’d ya try to dominate it when it overshadows you? Skeletal me (that’s a fact) versus this huge furious ogre?  I have to make myself stronger than this destructive monster. They say breathing in and out “Hooosa…!” can ease you.

But, to be honest, I later realized this mistake I made letting this Hulk create a wreckage to this outward image and to this heart underneath. This madness could destroy me and my soul. I wanna defeat this monster. I don’t wanna be crippled by this impulsion now. I wanna be calmed. I wanna be weaned.

I then remembered this passage:

“But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me.” [Psalm 131:2]

How I long. How suave it is to have me pacified again. Now to God to cry out, “Can you turn this Green Hulk to a tender harmless baby pleaaaase?” Know this one’s my imperfection. So please Holy Spirit, hush my troubled soul and bear in me this fruit of patience I need in the days to come.

P.S. Writing this relieved me. Whew!